I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
