btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We need to get me chipped asap
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize