I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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