Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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