i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
