I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
