Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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