So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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