You're so nebulous sometimes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
