I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
