Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
