Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
