i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
