when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
