turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
