He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
