Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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