Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
