Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
