im drinking this country out of the recession.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
