what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
