I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
