You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
