When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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