If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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