he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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