Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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