Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
