I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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