eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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