the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
