Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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