Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Be still, my beating vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i've created a new STD.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
