kristin has been a bad kristin
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
