So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
