So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
