I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
