Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The feeling are messing with the penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
