I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
