I am in a vortex of obligation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
