My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
