Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
