apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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