There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
