hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
