I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
