Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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