i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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