You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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