we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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