....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
